Its official, the Editor** cell for 2.5 years are finally splitting after going through all the rough and highs of life together. The cell phone which is an LG model B 2050 (retrieved from the dust ridden files from the Editor's memory cells) has given the exclusive rights to publish its vivid biography (Version 1.0) to Quest.
No part or whole of the following literature has to be reprinted elsewhere in any form, electronic and print. Those violating this will be liable for prosecution.
After repeated requests the Master of the cellphone, Mr. Editor also has relented to give his part of the story (Version 2.0), the experiences - both sweet and sour from his long term association with the Cell.
Version 1.0
I am sleek, I am sexy, I am cool and too hot to handle. Yes, that is what I felt when I saw my own reflection in the glass house of the showroom where I was displayed awaiting my prospective buyer. Then I saw him. He looked haughty, as he didn't care to have a second look at me. At me? How could he do like that? But ultimately he had to choose me, only me.
He did buy me eventually. He must have fallen for my beauty. His fingers were soft when he held me in his hands, his palm cold yet warm. Haaa I am in heaven.
The first few days was bliss. He took me around, everywhere, wherever he went. It was very pleasant until he reached his college. With the good-for-nothing-but-smsing service provider giving out free messages every month, I lost track of the number of times he punches his fingers on my keypad. I was turning grey very fast, and this wasn't a natural phenomena but a result of the atrociously torturous usage of me by the Master. I was going to die prematurely, this is what I thought until that happened.
I had a great fall from such a height that even my Master would have had third thoughts about attempting such a daredevil act. "Thud", the sound of my fall reverberates across the eerie silence of the deserted corridor of the E-Hostel in NITC. Against all expectations, I survived it. He thought this was to be my second life. I thought that after this incident he will be more careful in handling me. But alas, curse my fate, he was quick to make out my hidden secret of 'unbreakability', the first fall was an indication of the future that was in store for me. It was a roller coaster ride thereafter wards.
'Zrooom, Zrooom', I used to be swung violently across his fingers as if I was a toy wind wheel. All my hi-tech sophisticated digital circuitry would go for a spin. And I forgave him for all those torturous acts that he inflicted upon me in return for his fidelity. Months passed and my condition went from bad to worse and with each passing moment I became more resilient. We both came to know more of each other. Every day my Master would set 5 alarms from 6:30 am to 6:38 am to wake him up. He would set my tone to the highest volume and also put me under vibrating mode to be tucked under his bed. Every morning from 6:30 am I would scream at the top of my voice violently shaking my body but alas it was of no use. He was rude enough to not hear my sweet voice in the morning that was supposed to wake him up from the sleep.
Then one day out of the blue came a SMS very early in the morning, and on hearing the subtle sound of the SMS alert he woke up in a jerk. Yes, I got it finally, the trick to wake him up. From that day onwards without my Master’s knowledge I started sending SMSes very early in the morning and on seeing the people’s reply with his soggy eyes, he will type some reply subconsciously which I would delete from the outbox (Yes, I have got self awareness after seeing ‘I ROBOT’ with my Master one day) so as not to create any doubt in his mind when he is fully awake.
With the increase in frequency of SMSing, my keypad sensitivity has increased tremendously much to the envy of ‘Vertu’ and other high-end cell phones. I still retain my sleek looks and the curves are still visible to the aesthete. With the evolution of other much-envied features, my factory made features have taken a hit. With a heavy heart I heard my Master’s conversation with his Mother who was pressurizing my Master to go for a change of mobile. I do not blame my Master for my downfall, he was a pillar of support ever since I got the first hints of a conspiracy being plotted by the Master’s sisters to forward an idea that it is time for my replacement 6 months back.
My first love will always be my last love (again from some Hindi movie which we watched together).
The following is the Master’s version of his companionship with his cell phone.
Version 2.0
“I don’t want a cell phone, and I don’t have the time to manage one (It is a fact that I am very busy then, now and will be in the future also)”, this is how I reacted when my parents said that I should be needing a cell phone now (I don’t like using the word mobile, because it may sound that I am one of those couch bags who doesn’t move too much around). I was dragged into an electronics showroom in Thiruvanathapuram (I like using long and correct names of places) for selecting an instrument of my choice. I was more interested towards other electronic items that were displayed there. I was taken or rather pulled to the cell phone section where many stupid models were displayed. I was totally in a confused state as it is very difficult to select the least stupid looking item from a bunch of stupid electronic items. My Mother as always proved to be an expert in selecting the one black, slim, ultra light, swinging cell phone that came from the stocks of LG. It was a model, a perfect model called B 2050 (it can be refuted as I am not in possession of any document to prove my point).
I liked the cell phone ever since I watched a film with it. Whenever any songs comes, I would quickly jump over to playing some games on it and the ease of fast SMSing rescued me from the boredom of not playing pranks that too often as there weren’t any more people left who are yet to be my victims. My fingers were feeling lethargic due to inactivity caused as a result of reduced SMSing and in the heights of joblessness I discovered that my cell phone had the unique ability to swing effortlessly and frictionless through my index and thumb fingers J. One fine day because of the generation of uncontrollable centrifugal force, the cell phone just flew out of my hand and fell down with a “Thud”, luckily she escaped unhurt.
You have read it right, my cell phone is a she. This I knew when I held her, so soft and smooth like a new born baby. My journey with her had just began. Those were the days when she used to wake me up with her SMS sound alerts (as I was deaf to the normal ring tones that were set as alarms, 5 alarms now it came to my mind – as why I didn’t change the alarm tones to SMS alert tones).
She had suffered many falls owing to her addiction to fly whenever I swing her and show her capability of non destructiveness (is this a new word?). Her charm has gone but not her character, her beauty has faded but not her performance, she would have lost her energy (battery has gone crack) but not her never-die spirit. She has died numerous times but like a Phoenix, she rose not from the ashes but from her screws that once used to hold her together which is now nowhere to be seen.
After being on her side, I am forced to leave her. It has been difficult for me as I don’t want her to die as a discard but as a warrior who fought to her very end messaging more than 200 times a day, receiving calls even when the battery is completely discharged, calling me in the morning with her feeble sounds.
I am going to miss her.
**The Editor is Viajero
© Copyright 2008 Quest. All Rights Reserved.
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